Here’s an observation. (This occurred to me when I overheard a conversation whilst standing in a queue recently.) Consider your relationship with your kids. Have you noticed how you seem to spend all your time in their younger years trying to encourage them to be independent, to go to pre-school without making a fuss when you say goodbye, (this applied to me at one time), to be brave when going to the dentist, that there are no monsters under the bed and the only stuff that’s there in the dark is the same stuff that’s there when the light’s on?
And then, when they are teenagers you’re telling them that they have to be home at a certain time, they can’t go out until they have done X and Y and you don’t think they should be hanging around with Z anyway?
So what is this behaviour all about? – Trying to push them away when they’re little and then hanging on to them as much as we can when they get bigger so that we don’t lose them completely?
I’m not preaching here – and I don’t claim to be any better at parenting than the next person – far from it. But I will do my best to bear these observations in mind as I interact with my children while they’re growing up.
I would love to read your comments and if you have any tips for other parents who may read this please do share them.
In my experience, teenagers’ behaviour has a lot in common with toddlers’ – but with much scarier toys and potential outcomes – perhaps this is why we revert to trying to hold the boundaries?
I should add that my two, now 24 and 26, are both lovely people – who are very patient with my occasional, knee-jerk flurries of maternal concern!
Thanks Lizzie, that’s a really interesting point. Using the ‘toddlers’ analogy, it’s a bit like letting go of the reins but keeping the harness on for a while, just in case. – Although, not sure if many teenagers would like this comparison!
Thank you for your input
I don’t think they actually need to know that they are behaving like big toddlers… but from our viewpoint, there is a similar need for clear, consistent boundaries! However, clearly there is also room for reasonable discussion and negotiation, display of trust in their ability to act responsibly and much modelling of Sensible Behaviour!